Faced with a decision, issue or situation in which you’d like additional perspective? ‘Ask Baldo’ is a column in which selected letters to Baldo are answered and published in MetroActive Ezine, the MetroActive Website (http://www.metroactive.org) and in this blog. Submit your letter to baldo@metroactive.org for consideration.
Dear Baldo,
I’m 30 and going through a career transition. For the last few weeks I’ve been going to different networking events to help me find a job. I recently came across a businessman at one of these events. He’s attractive, intelligent, successful, about 10 years older than me and has lots of contacts in the corporate world. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to get enough of his attention to get far into a conversation. But, I did hear him say he was going to another event the following day. The next day I put on a sexy navy blue skirt, white silk blouse (you could tell I wasn’t wearing a bra) and high heals. I was determined to get his attention and it worked. I found myself having a wonderful chat with him and he ended up inviting me out for dinner. I really need a job because I’m in financial crunch and I’ve learned he has helped others get jobs just by making some phone calls. How can I work this into the date so that he’ll help me land a job?
Signed…Desperate In Toronto
Dear Desperate In Toronto,
What you’ve done is deceitful and no way to start off any kind of relationship, be it personal or professional. You’ve led him to believe through your dress, approach and acceptance of his dinner invitation that you are romantically attracted to him. Yet, from your letter I can see that you only want him for his contacts. If you continue with this deceit the damage will only get greater and the consequences more severe. If he’s as well-connected as you believe this could do significant damage to your job search. The best you can do at this point is be direct with him and tell him you’re not interested in a romantic relationship but that you’re impressed with his success and would like his mentoring in getting through difficult time in your life. Remember that mentoring, like any relationship involves give-and-take and make sure of what you’re prepared to offer in return.
Good luck!…Baldo
Faced with a decision, issue or situation in which you’d like additional perspective? ‘Ask Baldo’ is a column in which selected letters to Baldo are answered and published in MetroActive Ezine, the MetroActive Website (http://www.metroactive.org) and in this blog. Submit your letter to baldo@metroactive.org for consideration.
Dear Baldo,
I’m a successful 35 year old man with my own business. A few months ago I realized that I had put together a good team of staff and I now had the time to date and spend more time with friends. I decided that I was ready to settle down into a serious relationship and hopefully start a family. So, I went on some dates and met one woman who I really, really like. In addition to finding her extremely attractive, from the beginning she has said that she wants children. Then one night she invited me over and offered me pot. I’ve never done drugs in my life and was taken aback. I asked her if she was planning to quit her pot smoking once she had children. To my surprise she said “No, I’ll just do it when they’re not around.” I wouldn’t want the mother of my children high on pot, in addition to the health risks it could put any babies that come along in danger if she’s stoned when she should be taking care of them. What should I do?…Tony Z
Tony,
You are correct in your concerns. Pot does have some very serious health effects. For one thing research shows that it is the biggest cause of face cancer. You’re also right in being concerned about her rearing children, especially if she has been straight with you and told you that she has no intention to quit her habit even after she becomes a mother. It sounds like you’ve invested a lot of time and effort and sacrificed much in your life to get to where you are today, do you really want to compromise now on something that will affect your children’s health, your health, create great stress in your life and perhaps even impact your business? If you’re thinking you’re going to change her – big mistake. You may have some chemistry for her now, but chemistry fades and what you’re left with is what you have to live with the rest of your life. It will never stop being an issue. So, just move on and find the right women for you, hopefully one that’s not chooses to put her drug addiction ahead of her children and family. Check out the movie night on November 20th, you might meet your match there.
Good luck!…Baldo
